Preseason, Day 6: Shakedown, Breakdown, Takedown

1. BREAKDOWN
There are two known causes of rhabdomyolosis, or severe breakdown of muscle fiber. The first is elevated levels of cholesterol-fighting statins such as Crestor. The second is six consecutive days of Brown Soccer preseason.

Day 6 saw a superlative performance at the track, including Nick Elenz-Martin's sub-eleven-minute two-mile, T.J. Thompson's sub-five-minute mile, and Iain Eldredge's completion of a lap. Not to be outdone, assistant coach Ryan Levesque finished two miles in 11:30, beating several of the players and giving the rest of the coaching staff a feeling of fitness by association. After all the running wrapped up, the players jogged back up to the OMAC, where several appeared to be straddling invisible pommel horses. You gotta love preseason.

2. TAKEDOWN
When legs get heavy, tackles get late. And the training session later that afternoon saw some hearty takedowns, the kind that that would make a Scottish Third Division professional coach proud.

3. SHAKEDOWN
But the true highlight of Day 6 came after practice, when Thomas Thunnel '10 did his best Eddie Murphy (as Detective Axel Foley) impersonation and shook down a kid who had stolen two soccer balls from Stevenson. After Steve Sawyer '09 and Chris Roland '10 had spotted the offender, Thunnel took off like a bloodhound and eventually spotted the boy strolling across the road near Moses Brown. He approached the young bandit from behind and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. The boy, estimated at 13 years old, turned to see Thunnel's 6'4" frame towering over him, and as if doing Thunnel a favor, remarked, "Oh, I got your soccer balls for you." He then tossed them to Thunnel and ran for the hills.

While the rewards of this achievement include lifelong praise from Assistant Coach Ken Murphy for saving the program at least $30, the drawbacks include grandiose expectations whenever future soccer balls disappear. Fortunately, we think "T Time," as he is known, will be up to the task.


"You can shake me for a while, Live it up in style, No matter what you do, I'm comin' after you."

-Bob Seger, and Thomas Thunnel '10

Preseason, Day 5: Meet a Freshman

To be honest, not a lot happened on Day 5. So rather than recap a fairly ordinary day (training, fitness, training, fitness) I'll instead introduce the first in a multi-part series called "Meet The Freshmen."

Today's freshman is Paul Grandstrand. Let's get things rolling with this incredibly revealing interview:



Just like The View, we're not afraid to ask the tough questions. Or to wrap things up with a baby picture - I told you...they're everywhere! Unfortunately, I spent most of this "interview" trying to figure out if the camera was on, and, unfortunately, it was. Future interviews will be much better. Promise.

Fun fact about Paul: He played right back on his club team and was a Minnesota All-State selection as a defender during his junior year. Then, during his senior year, he was named "Mr. Soccer" (the top high school player in the state) as a goalie. While being named the Mr. Soccer of Minnesota is somewhat like being named the Mr. Luge of Florida, it is nonetheless an impressive accomplishment, and qualifies Paul to join the elite ranks of Mr. Soccer Camps.

Paul's play during preseason has been very impressive thus far, so with last year's starter Jarrett Leech '09, up-and-coming sophomore Jarrod Schlenker '10, and Paul all in the mix, there should be no shortage of talent between the pipes.

And seriously, ladies, how about that smile?

Preseason, Day 4: Brown 0, UVM 1

Samuel Goldwyn once said, "The harder I work, the luckier I get." He later added, "But sometimes I work hard and play sweet soccer, but still lose to freaking Vermont."

Such was the case for Brown on Day 4 of preseason. Despite controlling the play and smacking shots off the post, the goalkeeper, and the force field across the UVM goal, they emerged on the wrong side of a 1-0 game. There were, however, plenty of positives to take away, notably some impressive combination play between forwards and midfielders. As Coach Noonan put it, "Combination play this early in the season is a VERY good sign." Leave it to Coach Noonan to take a loss and use it to apply even more pressure to the team.

Afterwards, the players, coaches, parents, staff, friends, and an alarming number of babies gathered at Coach Noonan's house for a post-game reception and BBQ. Seriously, did everyone affiliated with Brown Soccer pop out a baby this summer? The little creatures were everywhere. We can only assume that their births were timed so their parents wouldn't miss a single game this fall--a system of priorities, I should note, that we expect of all fans.

At the BBQ, parents shared grilling duties, while players shared eating duties. The 7,000 calories that each consumed should partially replace what they will burn tomorrow, during Day 5.



Sophia Levesque, laughing at a futile attempt to restrain her.

Preseason, Day 3: Picture Day

On Day 3, Mother Nature plugged in the sun and threw some water on the rocks. Such intense heat and humidity on picture day could have spelled trouble for Iain Eldredge's ode-to-Kevin-Keegan shag, but he fought the frizz with a time tested technique known as "bed head." I just learned about this technique the other day. Apparently, all you do is wake up late and not shower.



- - - Iain Eldredge '10 who, believe it or not, is not Canadian - - -

After crouching in extreme discomfort on sore legs to be digitally immortalized, the team trained for an hour and a half, trained again in the afternoon, and then departed for the Revolution vs. Red Bulls match at Gillette Stadium. If you haven't already seen it, you must check out the outrageous own goal that handed victory to the Revs:

("8/25: Mendes Own Goal Decides Match)
http://web.mlsnet.com/mls/sights/index.jsp

At the game, eleven of the Brown boys bared their chests and were shown on national TV, L-A-R-E-N-T-O-W-I-C-Z painted across their bellies. Before donning the "T," Rhett Bernstein '09 shaved the letter into his pelt.




Here are some alternative letter arrangements that were not used:

CRAZIE TOWN
ZIT ON EAR
I, COW
LEARN TO WIZ

Preseason, Day 2: Baisars d'une Soeur

According to Google Translation, that's how you say "kissing your sister."

The Brown boys kissed their proverbial French sister on Day 2 of preseason, tying the University of Montreal deux-deux. Brown right back Laurent Manuel '08 scored Montreal's first goal (yes, you read that correctly) deftly chipping his own keeper on an ill-advised back pass. Oddly enough, Manuel is a dual citizen of the U.S. and France, prompting un-disproven accusations of betrayal. Indeed, the aplomb with which the young Frenchman scored on his own goalie makes one wonder if he was not in fact aiding his Québécois counterparts.

The second Montreal goal was a nice individual effort from the U of M right winger, and it caused raucous applause and cries of "Très bon! Très bon!" from his bench.

Brown stole back a goal at the stroke of halftime, as (non-French) Canadian Dylan Sheehan '09, known as much for his hockey-like forechecking as his nose for the goal, snuck behind the Montreal defense and collected a bouncing ball before lobbing an inside-of-the-footer over the advanced keeper.

The game turned a bit chippy in the second half, and at times resembled Canada's national sport (hockey... it never really resembled curling) more than soccer. But even as the game became more physical, Brown kept its cool and controlled most of the play. Then, late in the second half, the referee dished up a steaming hot crepe of justice when Kevin Davies '08 was hauled down in the box. Chris Roland '10 saw his penalty kick saved, but Davies scampered in and tapped in the rebound.


Laurent Manuel '08: Accidental Own Goal, or Modern Day Mata Hari?





Dylan Sheehan '09 displays the forearm that frequently visits opponents' chests.

Preseason, Day 1: "The Three Mile"

Back-t0-School checklist:

Box of No. 2 pencils.....check.
Folders and notebooks......check.
Barf bag for track......check.

If there is one thing that is synonymous with "Brown Soccer Preseason," it is the three-mile run, and the accompanying feeling of nausea. The three-mile is a simple enough concept: Go run around the track twelve times, and do it in under eighteen minutes. But it's a lot easier to describe than it is to run, as anyone who has attempted "The Tre" can tell you. Just how bad is it? Mention the words "three" and "mile" to any recent graduate and you'll see them shift uncomfortably in their chair, brow furrowing over their ashen face, a guttural "uuooghh" escaping them. It is the look of remembered suffering.

Well, if last year's three-mile run was Windows XP, then this year's run was Windows Vista - a newer version of a futile, mentally anguishing product. Rather than starting together, the players began at different times, according to predicted (or known) handicaps. As the clock counted down, each player had to push himself to his own physical limitations to finish on time. If done to perfection, the entire group would finish together, in Blue Angel-like formation, to Chariots of Fire.

Though they didn't achieve the picture perfect finish hoped for, the boys fared pretty well. Most made their goal, or went sub-eighteen minutes, or both. Combined with good height, weight and body fat averages (aided, no doubt, by the loss of several members of the Class of '07) the team seems to have the physical baseline necessary for success. A scrimmage, a practice, some set pieces, and a tactical meeting later, and it's on to Day 2.

Sorry for the unnecessary fat joke, Class of '07.

Brown 1, Spellman 1

As it turns out, the Brown Men's Soccer team isn't the only Brown Soccer team that's been training hard in the offseason. Check out this video clip from RoboCup 2006. . .

RoboCup is part of an international campaign to "develop a team of fully autonomous humanoid robots that can win against the human world soccer champions" (www.robocup.org). Based on this footage, beating the world champions sounds like a long shot, but beating the 2007 USA Copa America team seems plausible. . .

Testing, Testing

Alright, people...it's getting close to that time of year again...the time where you pack away your sunscreen, pull out your winter clothes, and start drinking whiskey under a blanket instead of mai tais under the sun.

For those fanatical die hards who are actually checking this site right now, you will be elated to know that I am experimenting with embedded audio and video, as part of our never ending quest to bring you the best possible behind-the-scenes coverage of the Brown Men's Soccer team. So bear with me as I waste a couple of posts here on some tests...