Brown 2, Yale 0

Saturday - Perhaps as a reminder that the Christmas season officially begins after Halloween (sorry, Thanksgiving, you had your time) Tropical Storm Noel travels up the eastern seaboard, producing heavy winds and rain from New Hampshire to New Jersey. Both teams agree to postpone the match until Sunday, and Brown passes the afternoon with a light jog to the Providence Hurricane Barrier and back. Said Coach Noonan, "I figured there was a hurricane, so we should go to the Hurricane Barrier." Makes sense to me!

1st minute - Brown immediately sets the tone by stripping Yale of the ball and stringing together a long sequence of passes. They control from the start.

12th minute - Another great series of passes frees Darren Howerton down the left flank. His perfect cross finds Dylan Sheehan at the back post, but Sheehan's close range header is saved by the keeper.

27th minute - Jon Okafor launches a rocket just over the crossbar.

36th minute - Rhett Bernstein catches an elbow to the face and hears a colossal "pop." Athletic trainer Matt Culp arrives on the scene and asks what happened, to which Bernstein replies, "Oh, he broke my nose." Aided, as always, by his adamantium-reinforced bones, Bernstein shakes it off and reenters the game. In the broken nose derby, Bernstein now trails assistant coach Ken Murphy 5-3.


These glasses now sit a bit more crookedly

38th minute - Rhett Bernstein delays the game for approximately three hours, attempting to tie his right shoe. As fans begin to nod off from boredom, the Brown coaching staff wonders if the blow that broke Rhett's nose also knocked out his memory of the "bunny ears" technique. Bernstein later blames it on "cold hands."

43rd minute - TJ Thompson beats two players and clatters the crossbar with a swerving, gyroscopic shot.

HALFTIME - After 45 minutes of utter domination, Coach Noonan tries to think of what to say at halftime. "What do I tell them?" he asks, scratching his head. The shot count stands at 13-1, and Brown has played arguably its best half of the season. They have simply played Yale off the field. The entire staff looks off into space for five minutes, coming up with nothing, but (importantly) giving the team the impression that they are discussing important matters.

70th minute - Chris Roland curls a teasing ball into the penalty area. Darren Howerton beats both keeper and defender to the ball and pops it to Kevin Davies with his head. Davies fires a quick volley into the half-open net, finally breaking the deadlock. 1-0 Brown.

73rd minute - Rhett Bernstein badly mistimes a bicycle kick. Then, as if playing Rhett Says, Steve Sawyer attempts to bicycle kick Bernstein's bicycle kick. This proves to be a terrible, terrible idea.

84th minute - Right back Laurent Manuel plays a beautiful forward pass to central midfielder Nick Elenz-Martin. Elenz-Martin races toward goal, draws the goalkeeper and defender, and drills the ball across the goal to sliding striker Dylan Sheehan. The ball pops up, rolls up Sheehan's shee-in, settles on the Canadian's belly, and toboggans into the net. 2-0 Brown.

After the game: Dance party in the shower!

Final Score: Brown 2, Yale 0
Overall Record: 13-1-1
Ivy Record: 5-0-0
Next Match: Saturday, November 10th vs. Dartmouth, 4 pm @ Stevenson Field

Brown 2, Rutgers 0

A winning machine. That's the best way to describe the current state of the Brown Men's Soccer team. Even when they don't play well, as was the case against Rutgers on Wednesday night, they get the result. The boys slipped and slid around the deceptively slick field for 90 minutes, rarely stringing together nice passing sequences. But they clamped down on defense and produced just enough good chances to get two goals and the victory. Man of the Match Kevin Davies had a goal and an assist, David Walls scored his first collegiate goal, Matt Britner shined in defense, and Jarrett Leech earned the shutout in goal.

Now, here is your post-game report:

1st minute - Brown inserts several new players for its last non-conference game of the year.

2nd - 14th minutes - Bad soccer. Both teams.

15th minute - Kevin Davies strips a Rutgers defender of the ball and sprints toward goal on a clear breakaway. His low shot is saved by the keeper.

HALFTIME - With the score knotted at zero, Coach Noonan warns the boys that they are in danger of another "BU performance" (Brown played poorly and lost 1-0 to BU earlier this season). "It's gotta be better!"

53rd minute - Jon Okafor dashes into the box from his right wing position and has his feet taken out from him by a sliding defender. Referee!!!

62nd minute - Matt Britner curls a perfect 40-yard ball into the space between the Rutgers central and left defenders. Kevin Davies spins off the central defender and outruns him as the keeper charges off his line. But the diminutive Davies is too quick for both of them as he toe pokes the ball over the keeper's shoulder and into the net. After the game, he claims that he actually shot the ball with his cleats. 1-0 Brown.

88th minute - With time running out and Brown protecting a 1-0 lead, David Walls sets up a free kick at midfield. Inexplicably, the referee issues him a yellow card for "time wasting." The card is Walls' fifth, meaning he will miss the Yale match.

89th minute - Kevin Davies begins an epic clutch-and-grab battle with a Scarlet Knight defender. Sprinting side by side over thirty yards, they jostle this way and that as the ball heads toward the sideline. (Picture in slow motion, with groans and moans.) Both players eventually slide out of bounds, but Davies somehow manages to keep the ball in bounds, while the Rutgers defender collapses, exhausted. The defender remains on his back in total fatigue, and appears to make a mud angel as Davies scampers toward goal with the ball. Finding himself on the first 4-on-1 of his career (that's four Brown attackers, one Rutgers defender), Davies ignores cries of "take it to the corner" and charges toward goal. How can you blame him? He plays it across the goal to David Walls, who takes a touch and calmly slots it past the Rutgers goalie. After the game, when asked what in the world he was doing so far forward on the last play, Walls replies, "Well, I figured I had me ten days rest, so I'd knock one home."

At least that's what I think he said.

Final Score: Brown 2, Rutgers 0
Overall Record: 12-1-1
Ivy Record: 4-0-0
Next Game: Saturday, November 3rd @ Yale