Brown 2, Yale 0

Saturday - Perhaps as a reminder that the Christmas season officially begins after Halloween (sorry, Thanksgiving, you had your time) Tropical Storm Noel travels up the eastern seaboard, producing heavy winds and rain from New Hampshire to New Jersey. Both teams agree to postpone the match until Sunday, and Brown passes the afternoon with a light jog to the Providence Hurricane Barrier and back. Said Coach Noonan, "I figured there was a hurricane, so we should go to the Hurricane Barrier." Makes sense to me!

1st minute - Brown immediately sets the tone by stripping Yale of the ball and stringing together a long sequence of passes. They control from the start.

12th minute - Another great series of passes frees Darren Howerton down the left flank. His perfect cross finds Dylan Sheehan at the back post, but Sheehan's close range header is saved by the keeper.

27th minute - Jon Okafor launches a rocket just over the crossbar.

36th minute - Rhett Bernstein catches an elbow to the face and hears a colossal "pop." Athletic trainer Matt Culp arrives on the scene and asks what happened, to which Bernstein replies, "Oh, he broke my nose." Aided, as always, by his adamantium-reinforced bones, Bernstein shakes it off and reenters the game. In the broken nose derby, Bernstein now trails assistant coach Ken Murphy 5-3.


These glasses now sit a bit more crookedly

38th minute - Rhett Bernstein delays the game for approximately three hours, attempting to tie his right shoe. As fans begin to nod off from boredom, the Brown coaching staff wonders if the blow that broke Rhett's nose also knocked out his memory of the "bunny ears" technique. Bernstein later blames it on "cold hands."

43rd minute - TJ Thompson beats two players and clatters the crossbar with a swerving, gyroscopic shot.

HALFTIME - After 45 minutes of utter domination, Coach Noonan tries to think of what to say at halftime. "What do I tell them?" he asks, scratching his head. The shot count stands at 13-1, and Brown has played arguably its best half of the season. They have simply played Yale off the field. The entire staff looks off into space for five minutes, coming up with nothing, but (importantly) giving the team the impression that they are discussing important matters.

70th minute - Chris Roland curls a teasing ball into the penalty area. Darren Howerton beats both keeper and defender to the ball and pops it to Kevin Davies with his head. Davies fires a quick volley into the half-open net, finally breaking the deadlock. 1-0 Brown.

73rd minute - Rhett Bernstein badly mistimes a bicycle kick. Then, as if playing Rhett Says, Steve Sawyer attempts to bicycle kick Bernstein's bicycle kick. This proves to be a terrible, terrible idea.

84th minute - Right back Laurent Manuel plays a beautiful forward pass to central midfielder Nick Elenz-Martin. Elenz-Martin races toward goal, draws the goalkeeper and defender, and drills the ball across the goal to sliding striker Dylan Sheehan. The ball pops up, rolls up Sheehan's shee-in, settles on the Canadian's belly, and toboggans into the net. 2-0 Brown.

After the game: Dance party in the shower!

Final Score: Brown 2, Yale 0
Overall Record: 13-1-1
Ivy Record: 5-0-0
Next Match: Saturday, November 10th vs. Dartmouth, 4 pm @ Stevenson Field