Bruno In Command

(with apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Brown eleven that day;
The score stood one to nil with just the second half to play.

Ten minutes passed and already a goal had been conceded,
A shot from nearly forty yards—most fans were still not seated.

Grandstrand thought it Bernstein’s ball and Bernstein thought it Paul’s,
Both players stopped, the ball skipped in, onlookers were appalled.

The halftime whistle sounded and the home fans longed to boo.
How could the mighty Bears come out and lose to ODU?

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to the hope that springs eternal in BrowNation’s breast:

They thought, “If only we could score and knot the game at one,
We’d surely score the second goal—this game could still be won.”

The players marched back to the field this crisp November night,
Their uniforms now glowing in the incandescent light.

They scanned the urging masses as they closely huddled in,
And on a three count bellowed out a bleacher-shaking, “Win!”

And soon it was apparent that these boys were not distraught,
They passed and dribbled skillfully, they clawed and kicked and fought.

Five minutes in, a Davies shot, beyond the reach of all,
It kissed the bar and stirred the net, a dipping, perfect ball.

The striker leapt into the sky and pumped his arms—relief!
While manic coliseum fans now burst with self-belief.

Then shot and shot flew at the goal like missiles—whizzing, humming,
As hecklers yelled to injured foes, “The waa-mbulance is coming.”

Shots hit defenders, missed the net, were cleared to left and right,
and clattered off the posts—metallic echoes in the night.

Oh, with such joy and fortitude the players played to win,
Their spirits flowed with confidence, their upward lifted chins.

Then overtime—a corner kick—the fans got to their feet,
and stomped with raucous vigor as if sound could send defeat,

Three thousand throats united in a cry that shook the earth,
And players danced inside the box, prepared for winner’s mirth.

Then as the player set the ball and lifted high his hand,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt ‘twas Bruno in command.

The ball came swerving in and half a dozen rose to meet it,
Mittens hurled skyward with the enemy defeated.

But wait—the ball was cleared away? A counter had begun—
The ball was launched directly to a streaking striker’s run,

He blocked a tackle, ran to goal and with the keeper set,
Released a shot that bulged that awful, god-forsaken net.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,

And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout,
But there is no joy in P-Town—the Bears have been knocked out.

Much later, when the lights go out, the stadium is cleared,
There linger but faint traces of a faded, distant cheer,

Coach Noonan sits with head in hands, that loss—so quick, so near!
He solemnly confesses, “I thought this was the year.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loyal readers: Thank you for following the Brown Men’s Soccer team during this historic 2007 season. It has truly been a pleasure to coach, play with, and write about this very special group of young men. If you are a regular reader of this blog, please do me a favor: post a comment below. I know the players and coaches read the blog regularly, and it would be great for them to hear your thoughts on the season.

Thank you for spilling coffee on your keyboard every time Brown scored this year, and thanks for reading.

-Anders

The NCAA is Evil

I am told that B2 Networks will NOT be video webcasting the game tonight because, as I understand it, the NCAA does not allow outside organizations to make money from NCAA Tournament events. Of course, this would make more sense to me if the NCAA offered its own video webcast which, of course, they do not.

But fear not, there is good news. There will be both a Game Tracker and an audio webcast with Mike Rubin available on the Brown athletics website: www.brownbears.com

The All-Ivy Selections

Ivy League Player of the Year - Matt Britner ’07.5
Ivy League Rookie of the Year - Paul Grandstrand ‘11

First Team All-Ivy
Matt Britner ’07.5 (unanimous selection)
Rhett Bernstein ‘09
Nick Elenz-Martin ‘10
Kevin Davies ‘08
Dylan Sheehan ‘09

Second Team All-Ivy
Paul Grandstrand ‘11

Honorable Mention All-Ivy
Darren Howerton ‘09
Chris Roland ‘10

http://www.ivyleaguesports.com/article.asp?intID=6307

Brown 3, Columbia 2 (OT)

Friday - On the way to New York, the team stops at Mario's (an Italian restaurant in Westport, CT) for dinner. While parking, the bus driver rams the bus into a cement barrier. Without assessing the damage to bus or barrier, he pulls out from the restaurant and begins what should be a quick 45-minute jaunt to Tarrytown, NY. Three hours, fifteen minutes, and one very unhappy head coach later, the team finds the hotel. The path followed is so nonsensical that it simply had to be recreated here. Follow the team's amazing adventures by clicking "View Larger Map" below and reading the text bubbles. Like terror levels, bubble colors correspond to Coach Noonan's anger levels. Green = Happy, Yellow = Agitated, Red = Blistering Rage. Enjoy!


View Larger Map

Saturday - So, the word on Columbia was that they had thrown in the towel. Evidence would support this theory, as the Lions were 3-12-1 coming into the match and had lost their previous four games by a combined score of 15-5...(dots indicate ominous foreshadowing)

Warm-Up - Columbia's seniors are introduced to a small but vocal group of supporters. Having already been eliminated from the post-season, this will be the last game of their career.

1st minute - Columbia comes out playing like, well, it's the last game of their career. They are full of energy and fight, very unlike the team that had been scouted.

15th minute – During a quick counter-attack, Columbia plays the ball to its left striker, who cuts it back to the top of the eighteen yard box. A teammate sprints in and fires an inside-of-the-foot shot past a helpless Paul Grandstrand. Brown is still asleep, and it is 1-0 Columbia.

16th minute – Columbia decides that one goal should do it, and they spend the next thirty minutes slowly withdrawing from the Brown half like a Galapagos tortoise cautiously retracting its head.

17th – 45th minutes – Lots of Brown shots, no Brown goals.

Halftime – “If you panic, you will lose this game. Don't try to be the hero. Relax, pass the ball, and play soccer.” Sage advice from Coach Noonan.

46th minute – A much better-looking Brown team takes the field, and I don’t just mean that Jarrett Leech replaced Paul Grandstrand at halftime. Brown begins to move the ball crisply.

47th – 65th minutes – Brown has many, many, many chances but still cannot score.

71st minute – A corner kick eludes everyone and finds Chris Roland beyond the far post. He settles the ball and curls in a vicious cross, which Jon Okafor meets with a slashing run before volleying home at the near post. Finally, a 1-1 tie.

75th minute – Having drawn blood, Brown continues to surge forward. A nifty passing sequence culminates with a spectacular miskick by a Columbia defender, and T.J. Thompson pounces on his poor clearance to fire into the lower corner of the goal. 2-1 Brown. With the shot count at 17-4, surely victory must be Brown’s!

83rd minute – On just its second scoring chance of the half, Columbia launches the ball forward into the Brown penalty area from just inside midfield. A Columbia forward rises and somehow gets his head on the ball, popping it over both keeper and defender and into the open goal. 2-2 tie.

OT –The Columbia keeper makes several saves. One of them might have been the best save in the history of college soccer. I really can’t remember; it's all a blur.

2nd OT – Coach Noonan subs in Okafor and tells him to “get on the goalkeeper.” Darren Howerton puts a corner kick in the box, right on top of the keeper. Okafor leaps and appears to disrupt the keeper, who pushes the ball toward his own net. In the ensuing melee, the ball somehow finds its way into the net. 3-2 Brown, a golden goal.

Brown parents and alumni rush onto the field to celebrate the team’s win and perfect Ivy season. The 2007 Brown team becomes just the second Ivy League team in the past twenty years to post a 7-0 record in league play. A t-shirt to the first person to name the other.

Overall Record: 15-1-1
Ivy Record: 7-0
Next Game: Wednesday, November 28th @ 7 pm vs. Providence/Old Dominion

Brown 1, Dartmouth 0: Ivy League Champions!

On a wintry Saturday night at Stevenson Field, the Brown Men’s Soccer team defeated perennial rival Dartmouth 1-0 and secured the 2007 Ivy League title. Dylan Sheehan provided the late game-winner, heading a Darren Howerton flip-throw into the net in the 83rd minute. Paul Grandstrand made several saves in goal to improve to 10-0-1 on the season, and the Brown backline of Matt Britner, Rhett Bernstein, Steve Sawyer and David Walls earned their fourth consecutive shutout. Brown now has not been scored on in six hours and fifteen minutes of play. The title is Coach Noonan’s seventh in thirteen seasons at Brown and the program’s nineteenth overall. The Bears conclude the regular season at Columbia on Saturday, November 17th and, now guaranteed a spot in the NCAA tournament, await the selection show on Monday, November 19th.

Here is your post-game report:

Pre-game – Seniors Jon Behrendt, Laurent Manuel, Kevin Davies, Matt Britner, and manager Wesley Royce take the field with their parents to be honored for four years of loyal service.

National Anthem – Long-time Brown Soccer announcer Chris Wahl asks the crowd to “Please rise and honor America with the singing of our national anthem.” A prolonged silence ensues. Players, coaches and fans cast inquiring glances toward the scorer’s table, where frantic employees press play on the unresponsive CD player. Then, in a performance that will forever live on in Brown Soccer lore, the vocally untrained Chris Wahl grabs the microphone and says, “Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in the SINGING of our national anthem…Oh-ho saaay can you seeeee….” As Wahl bellows out the tune like a hungry, slightly intoxicated Johnny Cash trying to get through a pre-dinner prayer, crowd members alternately laugh and sing along. He changes keys three or four times, but gets nearly all of the words right and, at song’s end, tips his hat to the crowd and receives a much-deserved standing ovation.

Hear Wahl's American Idol worthy performance here:



1st minute – As per the Brown—Dartmouth tradition, the game starts (and ends) like an oversized match of ping pong. Both teams launch the ball back and forth, with most contacts being headers or aerial volleys.

14th minute – Steve Sawyer plays a beautiful ball up the left wing to Kevin Davies, who strips the ball from a Darmouth defender, cuts it past a second defender, sprints into the box and lines up a wide open shot, only to completely misfire.

23rd minute – Darren Howerton receives a shove from a Dartmouth player and falls to the ground. The referee blows his whistle and runs over to issue a yellow card to the offending player, who ignores him and pursues Howerton, accusing him of diving. Pointing an accusatory finger, he shoves Howerton again, this time sending the wide midfielder sprawling to the ground. The outraged Colosseum masses hurl vile insults at the Big Green player and, as the referee reaches for his pocket, turn their thumbs downward. Off with him! He’s gotta go! The stadium official, Eric The Merciful, issues only a yellow card, sending the great unwashed into chants of protest.

30th minute – A Dartmouth forward sneaks between Brown’s two central defenders, chests down a cross, and fires a shot just over the crossbar.

32nd minute – Central midfielder Chris Roland collects a ball twenty-five yards from goal and shoots as hard as he can. His drive knuckles and finds its way through a crowd of players, but is gobbled up by Dartmouth’s Goliathan keeper.

Halftime – An impressive queue forms at the hot chocolate booth as the last few seats are filled by late-arriving fans hoping to suffer through just 45 minutes of November cold.

46th – 60th minutes – Dartmouth keeps Brown pinned in its own end. Matt Britner and Rhett Bernstein take turns breaking up Big Green attacks with well-timed slide tackles, while Paul Grandstrand punches away several dangerous crosses. The crowd urges them on.

67th minute – A Dartmouth forward strips David Walls of the ball and finds himself aggressively pursued by the fiery Englishman. Walls focuses his crosshairs on the player’s right shin and moves in for the kill, missing with his first swipe but connecting solidly with his second to send ball and player crashing out of bounds. The crowd raucously applauds his crunching tackle, and Walls proudly joins the ranks of the yellow carded.

74th minute – After another tussle, two more players are issued yellow cards.

83rd minute – As the crowd crescendos with anticipation, Darren Howerton hurls a flip-throw into the Dartmouth penalty area. Dylan Sheehan posts up his defender and flicks the ball toward the back post with the top of his head. The stadium holds its breath, wondering who will get the next touch, and to the surprise of nearly everyone, the ball skips to the back post and into the side netting. Brown celebrates wildly. Another Ivy League battle, another goal from a flip-throw. 1-0 Brown.

87th minute – After a Dartmouth corner, Jon Okafor collects a loose ball in his own half and charges forward, flanked by a battalion of teammates. Pulling away from his inferiors, he pushes the ball forward and charges beyond midfield, drawing Dartmouth’s final defender. The defender lunges to win the ball but arrives late and sends Okafor soaring through the air. Scores of Romans explode into a fit of rage, again demanding red from the referee, but again seeing only yellow. Outrage!

90th minute – Dartmouth’s final attack is smothered by Brown’s defense and the clock counts down to zero. Fans pound their chests and Brown players storm the grounds to celebrate their Ivy League title.

Post-Game Reception - Coach Noonan officially accepts the Ivy League trophy and returns it to what he calls, “It’s rightful place” (the glass cabinet in his office). After closing and locking the cabinet door, he melts the key down, swallows it one gulp and utters, “Try to get it back NOW.”

Final Score: Brown 1, Dartmouth 0
Overall Record: 14-1-1
Ivy Record: 6-0
Next Game: Saturday, November 17th @ Columbia, 7 pm

Brown 2, Yale 0

Saturday - Perhaps as a reminder that the Christmas season officially begins after Halloween (sorry, Thanksgiving, you had your time) Tropical Storm Noel travels up the eastern seaboard, producing heavy winds and rain from New Hampshire to New Jersey. Both teams agree to postpone the match until Sunday, and Brown passes the afternoon with a light jog to the Providence Hurricane Barrier and back. Said Coach Noonan, "I figured there was a hurricane, so we should go to the Hurricane Barrier." Makes sense to me!

1st minute - Brown immediately sets the tone by stripping Yale of the ball and stringing together a long sequence of passes. They control from the start.

12th minute - Another great series of passes frees Darren Howerton down the left flank. His perfect cross finds Dylan Sheehan at the back post, but Sheehan's close range header is saved by the keeper.

27th minute - Jon Okafor launches a rocket just over the crossbar.

36th minute - Rhett Bernstein catches an elbow to the face and hears a colossal "pop." Athletic trainer Matt Culp arrives on the scene and asks what happened, to which Bernstein replies, "Oh, he broke my nose." Aided, as always, by his adamantium-reinforced bones, Bernstein shakes it off and reenters the game. In the broken nose derby, Bernstein now trails assistant coach Ken Murphy 5-3.


These glasses now sit a bit more crookedly

38th minute - Rhett Bernstein delays the game for approximately three hours, attempting to tie his right shoe. As fans begin to nod off from boredom, the Brown coaching staff wonders if the blow that broke Rhett's nose also knocked out his memory of the "bunny ears" technique. Bernstein later blames it on "cold hands."

43rd minute - TJ Thompson beats two players and clatters the crossbar with a swerving, gyroscopic shot.

HALFTIME - After 45 minutes of utter domination, Coach Noonan tries to think of what to say at halftime. "What do I tell them?" he asks, scratching his head. The shot count stands at 13-1, and Brown has played arguably its best half of the season. They have simply played Yale off the field. The entire staff looks off into space for five minutes, coming up with nothing, but (importantly) giving the team the impression that they are discussing important matters.

70th minute - Chris Roland curls a teasing ball into the penalty area. Darren Howerton beats both keeper and defender to the ball and pops it to Kevin Davies with his head. Davies fires a quick volley into the half-open net, finally breaking the deadlock. 1-0 Brown.

73rd minute - Rhett Bernstein badly mistimes a bicycle kick. Then, as if playing Rhett Says, Steve Sawyer attempts to bicycle kick Bernstein's bicycle kick. This proves to be a terrible, terrible idea.

84th minute - Right back Laurent Manuel plays a beautiful forward pass to central midfielder Nick Elenz-Martin. Elenz-Martin races toward goal, draws the goalkeeper and defender, and drills the ball across the goal to sliding striker Dylan Sheehan. The ball pops up, rolls up Sheehan's shee-in, settles on the Canadian's belly, and toboggans into the net. 2-0 Brown.

After the game: Dance party in the shower!

Final Score: Brown 2, Yale 0
Overall Record: 13-1-1
Ivy Record: 5-0-0
Next Match: Saturday, November 10th vs. Dartmouth, 4 pm @ Stevenson Field

Brown 2, Rutgers 0

A winning machine. That's the best way to describe the current state of the Brown Men's Soccer team. Even when they don't play well, as was the case against Rutgers on Wednesday night, they get the result. The boys slipped and slid around the deceptively slick field for 90 minutes, rarely stringing together nice passing sequences. But they clamped down on defense and produced just enough good chances to get two goals and the victory. Man of the Match Kevin Davies had a goal and an assist, David Walls scored his first collegiate goal, Matt Britner shined in defense, and Jarrett Leech earned the shutout in goal.

Now, here is your post-game report:

1st minute - Brown inserts several new players for its last non-conference game of the year.

2nd - 14th minutes - Bad soccer. Both teams.

15th minute - Kevin Davies strips a Rutgers defender of the ball and sprints toward goal on a clear breakaway. His low shot is saved by the keeper.

HALFTIME - With the score knotted at zero, Coach Noonan warns the boys that they are in danger of another "BU performance" (Brown played poorly and lost 1-0 to BU earlier this season). "It's gotta be better!"

53rd minute - Jon Okafor dashes into the box from his right wing position and has his feet taken out from him by a sliding defender. Referee!!!

62nd minute - Matt Britner curls a perfect 40-yard ball into the space between the Rutgers central and left defenders. Kevin Davies spins off the central defender and outruns him as the keeper charges off his line. But the diminutive Davies is too quick for both of them as he toe pokes the ball over the keeper's shoulder and into the net. After the game, he claims that he actually shot the ball with his cleats. 1-0 Brown.

88th minute - With time running out and Brown protecting a 1-0 lead, David Walls sets up a free kick at midfield. Inexplicably, the referee issues him a yellow card for "time wasting." The card is Walls' fifth, meaning he will miss the Yale match.

89th minute - Kevin Davies begins an epic clutch-and-grab battle with a Scarlet Knight defender. Sprinting side by side over thirty yards, they jostle this way and that as the ball heads toward the sideline. (Picture in slow motion, with groans and moans.) Both players eventually slide out of bounds, but Davies somehow manages to keep the ball in bounds, while the Rutgers defender collapses, exhausted. The defender remains on his back in total fatigue, and appears to make a mud angel as Davies scampers toward goal with the ball. Finding himself on the first 4-on-1 of his career (that's four Brown attackers, one Rutgers defender), Davies ignores cries of "take it to the corner" and charges toward goal. How can you blame him? He plays it across the goal to David Walls, who takes a touch and calmly slots it past the Rutgers goalie. After the game, when asked what in the world he was doing so far forward on the last play, Walls replies, "Well, I figured I had me ten days rest, so I'd knock one home."

At least that's what I think he said.

Final Score: Brown 2, Rutgers 0
Overall Record: 12-1-1
Ivy Record: 4-0-0
Next Game: Saturday, November 3rd @ Yale

Brown 3, Penn 0

The #4 ranked Brown Men's Soccer Team tacked on another win Saturday as they dismissed the Penn Quakers 3-0 at Stevenson Field. Darren Howerton '09, Laurent Manuel '08 and Kevin Davies '08 tallied for the Bears, who improved to 11-1-1 overall and 4-0 in the Ivy League. Freshman Paul Grandstrand '11 earned the shutout in goal, making several fine saves along the way, and remains undefeated on the season. The Bears continue tonight when they travel to Rutgers for their final non-conference match. Kickoff is set for 7 pm.

Now, here is your post-game report:

During the week - The boys discover that Facebook can be used for something OTHER than looking at 613 pictures of some cute girl from Engin 9 who they are too afraid to talk to. They create a Facebook Event called "#4 Brown Soccer vs. Penn" and invite virtually the entire school (including, we assume, the girl). It appears to pay dividends, as the stadium side of Stevenson is full on a wet Saturday night during Parents Weekend, when most students just go out to dinner with their folks. Hey, bring home the National title and that girl just might write on your Facebook wall, guys.

Pre-game: Penn arrives at the field mascot-less and angry, perhaps because of this video. Well done, Brown students!

1st minute - Brown comes out of the gates like a pack of racehorses that has been cooped up for too long. The first fifteen minutes are all Brown.

23rd minute - Penn clears a corner kick from its own penalty area and Jon Okafor hammers a volley from 30 yards. The phrase "it was rising all the way" is used way too much in soccer and is almost never true, but in this instance it actually is true. Okafor's blast beats everyone cleanly, rises toward the upper right corner, goes just wide, and bends the metal support pole behind the net. Which reminds me, Stevenson now has those World Cup style nets--you know, the ones you and I always wanted.

42nd minute - Left back Steve Sawyer throws the ball forward to striker T.J. Thompson, who controls it and lays it off to left midfielder Darren Howerton, who is "underlapping" him. As the keeper advances, Howerton takes one touch and slots a quick left footed shot past him. It's that easy. 1-0 Brown.

63rd minute - With his typical insouciance, Nick Elenz-Martin saunters forward with the ball. A beaten Penn defender grabs a handful of jersey and goes water skiing, leaving Nick to look something like this. Elenz-Martin shrugs him off (literally) and cuts across the top of the box, where Laurent Manuel magically sprouts from the ground like a French Lilac and fires a low left-footed shot past the Penn keeper. A confused Elenz-Martin looks around, wondering what underground vault Manuel was hiding in, while the goal scorer runs around smiling like a sweaty French kid with a popsicle, and then performs the Thierry Henry double knee slide. 2-0 Brown.

82nd minute - T.J. Thompson collects the ball and runs across the top of the box. As defenders close him down, he holds onto the ball for what seems like too long. As Kevin Davies criss crosses with him, Thompson back heels to Davies, who takes a quick touch, nutmegs a Penn defeder, and fires into the net from ten yards out. Cheeky! 3-0 Brown.

90th minute - The final whistle blows and Brown salutes fans on both sides of the pitch. Their onward march continues.

Overall Record: 11-1-1
Ivy Record: 4-0-0
Next Game: Wednesday, October 31st @ Rutgers

Addendum: My post on national rankings and how they work has been updated to include the NCAA's RPI rankings (Brown is currently #5). This is the system used to seed teams for the NCAA tournament. Click here to read more.

Brown 3, Cornell 1

The #4 ranked Brown Men’s Soccer team improved to 3-0 in Ivy League play and 10-1-1 overall this past weekend with a 3-1 victory at Cornell. Dylan Sheehan ’09 scored his team-leading eighth goal of the season, and Rhett Bernstein ’09 and Jon Okafor ’11 tallied their first goals. Paul Grandstrand earned the victory in net, making a whopping one save along the way. With the win, Brown retains sole possession of first place in the Ivy League, and they continue their season on Saturday, October 27th when they host Penn at Stevenson Field. Kickoff is scheduled for 7 pm.

Now, here is your post-game report:

Things that take six hours:

- Lord of the Rings parts I and II (unless we’re talking the director’s cut, in which case you’ll get through Fellowship of the Ring and part way through The Two Towers, depending on how many times you replay the “You shall not pass!” scene. Such a money line.)

- 21,600 push-ups

- One conversation with a Red Sox fan about Josh Beckett.

- Bus ride to Cornell

Just as a refresher, Cornell has a huge student body, some weird public/private hybridization, and they are SIX HOURS away. We’ve got nothing against Cornell, but sometimes you've gotta wonder why they're in the Ivy League.

Friday Afternoon - The boys break up the six hour ride to Ithaca by stopping and practicing at Union College, home of former Brown Assistant Coach Jeff Guinn. Guinn takes the opportunity to attempt to convince several of Brown's students to transfer. Just kidding, Guinny! After breaking a sweat and stretching their legs a bit, the team continues to the great beyond and settles in for the night.

Saturday Morning - After a morning of video, scouting reports, and stretching, the boys finally prepare for a 4 pm kickoff.

1st minute – Both teams come out of the gates looking full of energy. It must be the nicest weather in the history of Brown @ Cornell - sunny, 60 degrees, and dry.

9th minute – Brown plays a little game of 5 v 2 in the Cornell penalty area. Even without Coach Murphy in the mix, they maintain possession easily. Sheehan passes to Davies, who passes to Okafor, who passes to Elenz-Martin, with each pass being approximately two yards. The ball finally comes back to Sheehan, who takes a touch past a dizzy Cornell defender and easily kicks the ball in from six yards. 1-0 Brown.

10thth – 40th minutes – Brown alternates between following Coach Noonan’s game plan (calm coaching staff) and not following Coach Noonan’s game plan (angry coaching staff). When following the plan, Brown creates a lot of chances. When not following the plan, Cornell somehow does not. Brown finishes the half with an 11-1 shot advantage.

43rd minute – In a classic blooper reel clip, Dylan Sheehan whiffs on a scissor kick and the ball falls to a wide open Darren Howerton ’09, who misses badly. Sometimes you just have to laugh it off, as Sheehan does.

HALFTIME

63rd minute – Darren Howerton ’09 hits an in-swinging left-footed corner kick. As he often does, Rhett Bernstein soars high at the far post and wins the header, heading it back across the face of goal. A Cornell defender on the post has what appears to be an easy clearance, but completely mistimes his header and fires the ball sideways into the side netting. Think volleyball player trying to set a teammate, but instead shanking the ball into the net. Because his initial header was going in, Bernstein is credited with the goal, finally breaking his goalless drought. 2-0 Brown.

72nd minute – Right midfielder Jon Okafor ’11 plays the ball to overlapping right back David Walls ’11 and then breaks toward the goal. Walls takes a touch and then plays an intelligent ball back to Okafor at the near post. The keeper charges to smother the ball, but Okafor beats him to it and fires a first-time right footer inside the near post. 3-0 Brown.

75th minute – Brown is whistled for a foul just outside the penalty area. As Grandstrand sets the wall, a Cornell player takes a quick free kick and sneaks it into the goal before defenders or goalkeeper are ready. It constitutes Cornell’s second shot on goal, giving them an impressive .500 conversion rate. 3-1 Brown.

90th minute – The final whistle blows and the boys prepare for the long journey home.

On the bus – Brown continues a truly spectacular tradition – songs! Freshmen and anyone who has never sung before take turns belting out a capella versions of their favorite pop hits. Please note that Assistant Coach Ken Murphy has never sung, and refuses to. If you disagree with this policy, please email Ken_Murphy@brown.edu.

Some of the highlights include:

Tom Thunnel ’10 doing Kelly Clarkson’s, “Since You’ve Been Gone,” complete with barefoot hopping up and down.

Jon Behrendt ’08 doing the Beach Boys, “California Girls,” an apropos choice for the Marin native.

Isaac Jabola-Carolis doing Chumbawumba’s “All-Star,” featuring an interactive audience and a truly heartfelt performance.

Jarrod Schlenker ’10 doing a gutsy, never-before-attempted FALSETTO “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Serious props.

I’ll see what I can scare up for footage when I get back to Rhode Island (again).

Brown is #4 (...or #2,...or #5...or #28)

Rankings are good for two things: generating excitement among fans and recruits, and helping you blow your season. Fearing the latter, the Brown Men's Soccer coaching staff never addresses its national ranking at practices, games or meetings. The players, of course, check them out because, hey, you've gotta be able to let fans and coeds know exactly how good you are, right? But players are often reminded to focus on their performance and tangible team goals, and to let other people worry about rankings.

Other people like me!

In the only rankings that matter, Brown is now ranked #4 or #5 in the country (the "power rankings" and the RPI). In media and coaching polls, we are #2, #5, #6, and #28. Here is a breakdown of the rankings, how they work, and where Brown stands in each one. Just remember that by reading the information below, you risk convincing yourself that it actually matters.

Soccer Ratings - #4
This is the mathematical rating system used by the NSCAA (also known as "power rankings"). In other words, it's the only ranking system that really "matters" during the regular season. It uses a complex formula known as the Elo system, which is also used to rank world chess players. You can read more about the methodology here. So, yeah, the system is all fine and dandy, but we're still waiting for a mathematical formula that can tell us if Rhett Bernstein '09 can beat Gary Kasparov in a chess game played in a crowded penalty area. We think he can, and this will be Kasparov's reaction.

NSCAA - #6
So, the NSCAA gets a weekly report from SoccerRankings.com, the system described above. But then they do an interesting thing. Believing that "objective statistics" are inferior to their own unassailable opinions, they toss these rankings in the trash and vote however they want. It's sort of like handing a rigorous economic report to a Senate appropriations committee, and then watching them dole out the cash to their buddies. As you might imagine, Brown always seems to slip a couple of notches.

RPI (NCAA) - #5
This is the ranking system that the NCAA selection committee uses to select and seed teams for the NCAA tournament. In that sense, this is the ranking system that REALLY matters. Their methodology is murky, but any outfit that bans student athletes from using the soccer office printer because it constitutes an unfair advantage (Bylaw 17.1.2.4, paragraph 2) must know what they're doing, so we put our blind faith in the NCAA, our paragon of academic fortitude.

National Soccer Ranking - #2
NSR claims to be the preeminent soccer ranking site in the country. Not to knock their brag, but one would think that the preeminent ranking site in America would upgrade its site every six or seven years, and maybe hire someone with HTML skills that surpass mine. Nonetheless, whatever undisclosed formula or divining rod they are using has Brown at #2, so we proudly trumpet their clip-art-button fantastic-ness from the College Hilltops.

Soccer Times - #5
Known for their coverage of Americans abroad and their reluctance to remove outdated articles from their site, Soccer Times is the brainchild of chat room soccer junkies (image: sweaty men with beefed up video game thumbs clicking mice and following twelve matchtracker reports). Their methodology is not disclosed, but it's safe to assume that they poll each other, and run things by forum overlords soccrguy47 and iamzizu2006.

College Soccer News - #6
Yet another website (nope, no magazine) with an official sounding name and just god-awful graphics. Can these people PLEASE hire a 15 year-old geek to clean up their site?? Their rankings seem to be somewhere between dead reckoning and People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful Soccer Programs.

Soccer America - # ???
You can read the New York Times for free online, but you have to pay to read Soccer America. Am I missing something here? Come on, SA, give people access to your mediocre mag online. Anyone who forks out fifteen bucks is only going to find Paul Gardner's opinion pieces that much more uninspiring.

Top Drawer Soccer - #28
Come on, guys. Twenty-eight? That's just redonkulous. In fact, I'm not even linking to your page. You should stop ranking right now and stick to your hearsay lists of recruit commitments.

So the moral of the story is that, just like "Top 10 Celebrities" lists, rankings are a complete and total crock. But they matter because people read them, and because people talk, which is why we'll be spamming our ranking to recruits and fans far and wide. We're #4!! We're #4!!

Hail to the Chief

Had to post this picture. Note the way Steve Sawyer '09 calmly yet firmly elbows #4 in the back, brushing him aside like a giant felling an old tree. Note the way #7 cries out in pain as he is bowled over. And note the way Sawyer doesn't even bother to look at his victims. What a Gladiator. Are you not entertained?

(Photo courtesy of Rebecca Sawyer)

Brown 3, Harvard 2 (OT)

I’ve seen a lot of college soccer games. Some have been bad, most have been pretty good, and some have been very good. And then there have been a few that I would label as true classics—spirited battles between highly competitive teams, loads at stake, many goals, boisterous fans, hard tackles, controversial refereeing, passion, all on a crisp fall afternoon. In short, these are the games that college soccer is all about.

The Brown vs. Harvard game this past Saturday clearly belongs in this “classic” category. It wasn’t always the prettiest soccer (Rhett Bernstein walked off the field and said, “That was the ugliest game of soccer EVER!”) but it was undeniably and endlessly entertaining. For a hundred minutes, it was filled with drama and passion, and for a hundred minutes, no one could look away.

Last year, Harvard handed Brown a good old fashioned spanking, 6-1 at Stevenson Field. This year, Brown entered the game ranked #11 in the country, with Harvard ranked # 9. Both teams were 1-0 in the Ivy League, both had significant wins out of conference, and both knew each other very well. In other words, there was a lot at stake. In the end, Brown emerged the winner, putting itself in sole possession of first place in the league. Combined with the midweek win over BC, they might also be poised to crack the top ten national rankings. Brown continues their season on Saturday, October 20th when they travel to Ithaca, NY to play Cornell.

Now, here is your post-game report:

1st minute – Two teams that looked very relaxed in warm-up begin to play at a furious pace. No one takes more than two touches, and no one seems to complete more than four passes. Tackles fly, tempers flare.

12th minute – Kevin Davies fires a sharp angled shot that surprises the Harvard keeper, but which he manages to save.

17th minute – An incredibly speedy Harvard forward turns and fires a quick left footed shot from fifteen yards out, but Paul Grandstrand holds it cleanly.

22nd minute – Brown strings together several wonderful passes and releases Darren Howerton down the left side, but his first time effort sails wide of goal.

23rd minute - Howerton tosses in a flip throw. The goalkeeper drops the ball, creating a great scoring opportunity, but a Brown player is whistled for a phantom foul. Five minutes later, the same thing happens. What contact are you seeing, sir?

25th minute – Harvard appears to shove as they challenge for every head ball, but the referee blows his whistle selectively. It seems every call is going the way of the home team.

28th minute – Howerton tosses another lethal flip throw into the Harvard box, and several players rise to meet it. The goalkeeper can’t get his hands to the ball, and if falls into the scrum. After a couple of whacks, it comes to Dylan Sheehan, who easily slots a low left footed shot into the goal. The Brown bench explodes to its feet and the Brown coaching staff exchanges fist pumps and high fives. 1-0 Brown.

29th minute – Just fifteen seconds later, Harvard plays the ball forward into the Brown penalty area. Getting good position on defender Matt Britner, a Harvard forward takes a touch toward the end line. Realizing he has pushed the ball too far and has no other options, he slows up to draw contact, and flops to the ground. Unbelievably, the referee whistles for a PK, as the Brown coaching staff sprints down the sideline in protest. As if steered by the fates, the ensuing penalty kick glances off the left post and out of bounds. The law of universal justice is preserved, and order is restored to the cosmos. As the saying goes, “The ball never lies.”

32nd minute –A good turn and quick shot by forward TJ Thompson is saved by the Harvard goalkeeper.

41st minute – The linesman turns to respond to a Mike Noonan inquiry about a hand ball. At that exact moment, the ball is flighted over the Brown defense, and the linesman is caught out of position. Noonan screams, “He’s offsides!” As if mind controlled, the linesman raises his flag and halts a Harvard half-breakaway. We’ll have to take a closer look at that one on the film.

HALFTIME – Brown gets some much needed water. Coach Noonan tells the boys they played great until the last twelve minutes, and they need to keep the energy levels high.

53rd minute – A Harvard player cuts the ball back and serves in a left footed cross from the right wing. A Harvard forward leaps and sends a glancing header just beyond the impressively long outstretched wings of a leaping Grandstrand, into the upper left corner of the goal. The Crimson Crazies celebrate wildly. 1-1 tie.

54th minute – Thirty seconds later, left back Steve Sawyer takes a touch and nails a right footed laser into the Harvard penalty area. Dylan Sheehan leaps forward and smashes a header on goal, and the Harvard keeper does well to make the initial save. Kevin Davies, however, sniffs out the rebound like a well trained schnauzer and quickly kicks it into the net. The goal comes so quickly after the Harvard goal that the scorekeepers have to announce them together. 2-1 Brown.

57th minute – Rhett Bernstein heads a ball off the left post.

58th to 82nd minutes – The teams go back and forth and back and forth, with plenty of hard tackles and shots.

83rd minute – In a highly controversial series of plays, Nick Elenz-Martin slides and taps the ball, disrupting a Harvard player as he shoots and causing him to blast the ball over the net. The referee wrongly whistles for a Harvard corner kick, then compounds his mistake by allowing them to take the kick while two balls are on the field. As goalkeeper Paul Grandstrand clears the second ball off the field, a Harvard player takes the short corner and sends a hard, driven ball cross across the face of goal. Another Harvard player first times it easily into the net. The Harvard fans behind the net dance and celebrate as Grandstrand stands with his palms upturned, wondering why play had been allowed to continue. 2-2 tie.

100th minute – The fates once again exert their influence on the match. A Harvard player attempts to clear the ball up the left sideline but kicks a large, invisible lump of turf. The player looks down in confusion as the ball rolls out of bounds. How did that happen? As Howerton saunters across the field, Brown fans scream, “Hey Harvard, another flip throw coming at you. Let’s see you deal with THIS!” as Howerton chucks the ball into the six-yard box. Dylan Sheehan rises and nods it on to the far post, where a six-man Brown/Harvard caravan arrives and somehow ushers it into the goal. For the third straight game, the Brown bench (accompanied by a number of fans) rushes the field to celebrate an overtime victory.

And order is once again returned to the cosmos.

Final Score: Brown 3, Harvard 2 (OT)
Overall Record: 9-1-1
Ivy Record: 2-0-0

Next game: Saturday, October 20th @ Cornell

Brown 1, #5 BC 0 (OT)

It seems you don’t want to be ranked #5 in the country when you play Brown. For the second time this season, Brown knocked off the #5 ranked team, beating Boston College on Wednesday night at Stevenson Field. Boston College entered the match with a 7-1-1 record, 4-0-0 in the ACC, with recent victories over Maryland, Duke, and North Carolina. Needless to say, it was a victory that should bring even more respect to Brown and the Ivy League. Or, as Coach Noonan put it, “it should make us stop picking up other conferences’ poop.” That’s verbatim.

Senior Laurent Manuel was the hero of the game, notching his first career goal with a superb strike from 30 yards. Freshman Paul Grandstrand earned the shutout in goal, his third of the season.

Now, here is your post-game report:

1st minute – Brown comes out looking a bit tentative, playing most of their passes backward and sitting deep in their own end.

15th minute – Brown emerges from its shell and applies steady pressure to the BC backline.

16th minute –Darren Howerton ’09 whips in a corner and Rhett Bernstein ’09 heads it just over the bar. Bernstein, who scored seven goals on headers last season, continues to be just off the mark this year.

33rd minute – Columbia transfer Will Lee ’09 plays a delicate ball from central midfield to Jon Okafor ’11. The uncatchable Okafor pulls away from his defender and moves toward goal on a breakaway, but his blast from fifteen yards is saved by BC’s monstrous goalkeeper.

Halftime – Coach Noonan points out that the boys have been in this position before—tied at halftime against a highly ranked team, having outplayed them for the first 45 minutes.

46th minute – Off the kickoff, BC looks hungry. They pick off an errant pass and immediately create a good scoring chance. Don’t play square balls off the kickoff, boys!

53rd minute – A BC player clears the ball high and into the stands. A cheer swells up from the targeted section as the ball approaches. Perhaps intending to prove that he is in fact the aerially dominant Rhett Bernstein’s father, or perhaps to show his son proper technique (in an attempt to jumpstart his son’s scoring streak), Rhett Bernstein’s father rises to his feet, removes his hat and, with perfect form, heads the ball back onto the field. The crowd erupts in joyful praise. He acknowledges his cheers with a brief wave of the hat to fans on both sides, then puts it on and takes a seat.


The guy who gave Rhett his aerial dominance.

58th minute – Freshman David Walls, whose play as a right back has been simply exemplary all season, goes in on a hard slide tackle and takes a finger to the eye. He jogs off the field, saying he has lost a contact lens. Athletic trainer Matt Culp is unable to locate the lens anywhere in Walls’ eye, and asks if he has a spare. He says no. Freshman Andy D’Avanzo asks Walls what his prescription is, but Walls doesn’t appear to have any idea. “Is it by any chance negative 1.75?” D’Avanzo inquires. “Yeah, that’s it!” Walls exclaims. Without hesitating, D’Avanzo takes out his lens and hands it to Walls, who gives it a quick saline bath and pops it in. Good as new, he steps back onto the field. D’Avanzo watches the rest of the match with his right hand over his right eye.

67th minute – One of BC’s dangerous forwards makes a slashing run, beating two Brown defenders before blasting a ball across the face of goal. It somehow manages to elude all defenders and attackers, and rolls just wide at the far post.

75th minute – A BC free kick takes an unfortunate deflection and falls directly to a BC player twelve yards from goal. With plenty of time, he misfires and sends the ball wide of goal.

82nd minute – Kevin Davies dipsy doodles up the right sideline, cutting inside and outside and inside, then serves a low cross toward goal. It caroms off a BC defender and falls directly to Nick Elenz-Martin. N-E-M’s first time effort flies just wide of goal.

90th minute – The final whistle blows. Overtime again!

OT – David Walls plays an intelligent ball into the feet of forward Dylan Sheehan. Sheehan posts up his defender Shaq-style and holds it for a second or two. He then lays it back to Laurent Manuel, who decides to have a very optimistic attempt from 30 yards. He connects perfectly and sends a low driven shot screaming into the lower right corner of goal, beating the keeper cleanly. In unmistakable ecstasy, he sprints toward the bench, a huge grin on his face, his pointer finger to the sky. For the second straight game, the Brown players flood the field to celebrate an overtime victory. When asked after the game if the shot deflected slightly, and why he didn’t come up with a more creative celebration, Manuel responds, “I have no idea. I blacked out.”

Final Score: Brown 1, BC 0
Overall Record: 8-1-1
Ivy Record: 1-0-0

Brown 2, Princeton 1 (OT)

Most stereotypes are baseless. Blonds are air heads, jocks are dumb, men are unsensitive--I personally destroy at least three commonly held stereotypes. Some, however, seem grounded in fact, like the stereotype that Princeton students are really bad at dancing. Click here for proof.

When Brown and Princeton meet in any event, there seems to be a culture clash of sorts, and it often leads to an especially heated battle. Now when you put Brown and Princeton on the soccer field and make it an Ivy League opening match, you have the recipe for an especially spicy salsa.

In a match filled with several truly classic moments, Brown eventually emerged victorious. Nick Elenz-Martin scored the winner in OT, and Jarrett Leech earned the victory in goal. The Bears are now 1-0 in Ivy League play and back in the habit of winning.

Here is your post-game report:

Minutes 1-39 – The two teams scrap and battle and kick and fight with typical Ivy League game vigor. Players from both teams swarm the ball, leading to lots of turnovers. It might not be pretty, but it certainly is spirited.

40th minute – Princeton plays a ball over the Brown back line. Goalkeeper Jarrett Leech leaves his penalty area and decides to play it safe, blasting the ball out of bounds. Enter Coach Ryan Levesque’s U-13 Bruno United team, stage left sideline. For the record, the Bruno U13 boys are very good at soccer (4-0-1, 1st place in MAPLE Division 1). But they are even better at ball boy-ing. As Leech makes contact with the ball, one of the lads is already in position and tosses his hot potato to an onrushing Princeton player, who immediately chucks it inbounds. A teammate spots Leech out of position and lobs a first-time shot over his head. It curls up and away, toward the goal, and eventually rolls into the open net. Leech stands with his hands on his hips, coaches and fans consider the bittersweet irony of the goal, and the scorer’s table credits the ball boy with an assist. 1-0 Princeton.

46th – 86th minutes – Brown controls the match and creates a number of good scoring chances. Princeton’s backline, however, stands strong.

87th minute –A corner kick lands in a mess of people. Princeton is unable to clear as a brief scramble ensues, and the ball eventually falls to midfielder Chris Roland. Roland, whose typical warm-up involves shooting the ball as hard as he can before stretching, fires the ball on goal. It finds its way through traffic, perhaps taking a slight deflection, and powers into the side netting. Given Brown’s crescendo of forays, it seems like the kind of equalizer that HAS to lead to a winner. 1-1 tie.

90th minute –Brown wins a throw-in with 0:01 left on the clock. The referee blows his whistle, puts both hands above his head to stop the clock, and announces to an oddly silent stadium that, “Because Brown’s BALL BOYS got the ball to Princeton so QUICKLY on their GOAL, I’m going to add 15 seconds to the clock for this throw-in.” Princeton’s bench goes totally and completely bananas, as well they should. Where, they demand, is this rule?!? The referee looks it up in his internal rule book (located in his lower right gut) and ignores their protests, showing them a palm to suggest they settle down. The scorekeepers look at each other and shrug their shoulders, then obligingly add 15 seconds to the clock. Fortunately for the game and the referee, Brown does not score on the throw-in.

(OT) 98th minute – Like a delicious flank steak marinated in soy, Worcestershire, honey, ginger and lemon juice (try it), the ball rolls to Nick Elenz-Martin on a proverbial silver platter. Licking his freckled chops and trying not to get TOO excited, the talented midfielder connects, launching the hunk of meat from 25 yards. His drive spirals, screams across the face of the goal, beats the goalkeeper, ricochets off the underside of the crossbar, bounces down, and bounces back up into the net. It is, literally and figuratively, a golden goal.

And it just might have saved a 13 year-old boy’s life.

Final Score: Brown 2, Princeton 1 (OT)
Overall Record: 7-1-1
Ivy Record: 1-0-0
Next Match: Wednesday, October 10th vs. Boston College

Brown 0, BU 1

Entering last week’s game against Boston University, the Brown Bears were 6-0-1 and ranked #14 in the country. They had won their own tournament, they had beaten two ranked opponents, and they had played a lot of good football. They had also beaten BU each of the last two seasons. So what exactly was going to motivate them for this non-conference, midweek game in the middle of midterms?

The answer, sadly, was nothing.

BU outplayed, outhustled, and outclassed the Bears and, in the end, handed Brown a much-deserved 1-0 loss. There was, however, a silver lining: the loss might also have been much-needed, the way a good beating can make a boxer fight with more heart.

The highlights were few and really far between, so instead of the usual minute-by-minute summary, I instead offer this report on the twelve hours after the game, as provided by Assistant Coach Ryan Levesque.

“We didn’t think we had played WELL but we thought we had at least played OKAY. Then, the next morning, Coach Noonan walked into the office looking really pale, like he was sick or had seen a ghost or something—he had just watched the film. Then we watched the film together, along with footage of Princeton, and we concluded that, if we played like that against Princeton, we would definitely lose.”

Princeton, the school that puts the “P” in “H-Y-P” and the “I” in “I am better than you” usually provides motivation naturally. But just to be sure the boys avoided another lackluster performance, Coach Noonan and Co. thought they should watch some film. So watch some film they did. And by “some” I mean a lot.

And, like a battered fighter, the motivation returned.

Brown 3, USD 2.....Brown 2, Cal Irvine 2

Disclaimer: The following summary has been provided by Thomas Thunell '10 and does not necessarily reflect the views or expressions of Anders Kelto Inc. or any of its affiliates or subsidiary companies. It DOES, however, provide a hilarious summary of the weekend and should be read in great detail. Anders is thankful to Thunell for providing this account while he trounces around Northern California passing out flyers and convincinng impressionable high school students that they should apply to Brown.

Here is your post-weekend Brown Soccer report:

This past weekend, the Brown Men’s Soccer Team took a trip to San Diego. For those of you who have seen the movie Anchorman you already know that the beautiful city was “discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.”

After a tiring cross country trip, the Brown soccer team squared away against the host University of San Diego Toreros. Even though the boys were unsure what a torero was, the Bears put in two goals in the first half of play. The first goal, a beautiful set piece from San Diego native Rhett Bernstein to scoring machine Kevin Davies put Brown up 1-0 thirty minutes in. Davies found the net again when another San Diego native, Nick Elenz-Martin, set up his favorite Long Island striker who slotted the ball perfectly in the back of the net. In the second half, Brown scored its third and final goal of the game when Davies set up Dylan Sheehan. This goal proved to be the red clothing for any experienced bull fighter, and the toreros were knocked out for good. USD scored on two “questionable” penalty kicks.

Saturday, the men of Brown were able to spend some time enjoying the finer side of life in San Diego. Although threats of the worst storm in San Diego history loomed, the seventy degree and sunny weather proved to be bearable as the team spent the afternoon at Nick Elenz-Martin’s aunt’s house. Great food, greater company, and Skyler eating his entire birthday cake proved to be enough entertainment for the boys on Saturday. However, the fun would not end there. That night as the team went out to dinner at a fine Italian diner, the always friendly guys were hit on by TWO bachelorette parties at the restaurant. The better looking players received stickers from the lovely ladies. Matt Britner received a sticker for best jaw line, Jarrett Leech for best upper body, and Thomas Thunell for nicest (or was it nicest on the eyes???).

Sunday Brown squared away against the #20 University of Cal Irvine Anteaters. In this much anticipated match-up of top twenty teams, neither team was able to get ahead in the first half of play. In the second half, Brown came out firing scoring two goals (Davies and Davies). However, the UCI Anteaters or the California Refereeing Association would not let Brown go down without a fight. The Anteaters were awarded two penalty kicks, capitalized on both, and tied the game. The game went to overtime where neither team mounted any serious scoring threats and the game ended as a tie.

After the game, the soccer team was treated to another lovely get together by Rhett Bernstein’s family and friends. California burritos and the Chelsea vs. Manchester United game proved to be a deadly combination and everyone enjoyed themselves. After eating, the team packed their bags and headed to the airport for their cross country trek with smiles on their faces after a successful weekend and an awesome trip to San Diego.

Brown 1, St. Francis 0

St. Francis must have been one inspiring dude. The 13th century friar, canonized for choosing a life of poverty and humble service, has had more schools named after him than Maria Montessori. And that’s saying something. There’s St. Francis College in Loretto, Pennsylvania, St. Francis College in Fort Wayne, Indiana, St. Francis University in Joliet, Illinois, and St. Francis College in Brooklyn Heights, New York. Throw in overseas colleges and universities in Brisbane, Sao Paolo, and Lucknow, India, tack on high schools in the U.S. and abroad, and you've got a list of schools called “St. Francis” that’s longer than, well, a Roman Catholic family tree.

The Brown Men’s Soccer team defeated St. Francis College of Brooklyln Heights, New York (we think) by a score of 1-0 this past Tuesday. Dylan Sheehan ’09 scored on a header in the first half, Paul Grandstrand earned the shutout in goal, and the Brown defense of Matt Britner ’07.5, Rhett Bernstein ’09 and Steve Sawyer ’09 kept things tidy in back. But the real story of the game was Brown’s inability to get that crucial second goal, owing in part to bad finishing, a bit of misfortune, and perhaps some intervention by St. Francis himself.

Here is your post-game report:

Kickoff – Roughly two hundred fans show up for the Tuesday night, 7 pm kickoff. While not a record-setting number, it certainly is an impressive showing. Goes to show what a winning streak can do.

1st minute – Brown gets into the flow immediately, deftly moving he ball between backs and midfielders. Nick Elenz-Martin ’10, finding his form, gets on the ball with great regularity and begins to set the rhythm of the game.

22nd minute – During a corner kick, Brown packs the six-yard box to make things difficult on the diminuitive Terrier goalkeeper. Darren Howerton ’09 swings in a beautiful corner kick, and several players gravitate towards the ball. Five players jump simultaneously and the ball hovers above them, weighing its options like a hungry farmer choosing the right bird for dinner. Ultimately, it chooses Dylan Sheehan ’09, who redirects the ball into the goal from six yards out. Just another day at the farm for Sheehan, who notches his fifth goal in five games. 1-0 Brown.

30th minute – Sheehan gets by his man and winds up to shoot. As he swings his right leg back, a St. Francis player clips him, sending Sheehan tumbling to the ground. While not intentional, it is clearly a foul and Brown is awarded a free kick. Matt Britner ’07.5 walks forward and places the ball on the penalty spot. After backing up a few steps, he approaches the ball with his usual relaxed confidence. But on this occasion, his best quality—calmness bordering on insouciance—becomes his worst enemy as the keeper dives right and easily saves the softly hit shot. Britner shrugs it off. Still 1-0 Brown.

Halftime – Seeing no need for tactical adjustments, Coach Noonan tells the boys to keep it up. Get back out there and get the second goal!

63rd minute – Kevin Davies ’09 and Elenz-Martin find themselves on a 2-on-1 break. Davies draws the defender and slips the ball to a wide open Elenz-Martin. The latter sets up for a left-footed shot and, as the keeper slides across to close down the angle, blasts the ball just wide of goal. It glances off the supporting pole and into the fence, which reminds me—Stevenson field now has “World Cup style” nets, the kind with poles that pull the net back. And they’re really sweet.

70th minute – Sheehan plays a well-timed ball laterally to Davies, who waterbugs past the Terrier defense and moves toward goal. On a clear breakaway, and with the entire net to shoot at, he somehow blasts the ball directly into the St. Francis goalie, the way a vice president might blast a quail hunting friend in the face. The startled St. Francis goalkeeper collects the ball. Still 1-0 Brown.

85th minute – St. Francis gets the chance that everyone knew it would. Their talented Swedish forward makes a well timed run, receives a diagonal ball, and slides to hit a first time left footed shot. With Grandstrand looking beaten, Rhett Bernstein materializes from and, at the last possible instant, blocks the shot. Still 1-0 Brown.

90th minute – The final whistle blows and Brown players, coaches and fans emit a collective sigh of relief. It probably never should have been this close, but it’s a result nonetheless. St. Francis, “The Small College of Big Dreams,” leaves Stevenson Field still dreaming of victory. We just hope they returned to the right campus.

Brown 1, St. Francis 0

Brown 1, URI 0

Der·by [Brit. dahr-bee]
4. Any endeavor or venture regarded as a competition, especially one involving rival opponents from nearby areas. Ex: The Brown vs. URI soccer derby is always highly competitive, and used to feature unbelievable hair.




- - - Brown vs. URI in the 1977 NCAA Tournament - - -

As any good Englishman can tell you, derbies are often heated affairs. There's always a little more at stake--local bragging rights, local pride, maybe even some dormant, primeval need for alpha dominance. Whatever fuels the fire, the contests are almost always combustible, and the latest chapter in the Brown vs URI saga was no exception. The two rivals slugged it out for 90 minutes on Stevenson Field, with Brown eventually emerging victorious. Dylan Sheehan '09 scored the game winner (that's four goals in four games) and Jarrett Leech '09 earned the shutout in goal. Brown improves to 4-0 on the season while URI falls to 1-4, with losses to #9 Notre Dame, #2 Indiana, #15 Harvard and #21 Brown. Brown continues its season on Tuesday when they host St. Francis at Stevenson Field at 7 p.m., the last game in a five-game season-opening home stand.

Now, here is your post-game report:

Warm-Up - Anticipating yet another afternoon of aerial dominance, Rhett Bernstein warms up with a couple of practice headers. Perhaps a little TOO excited to smash an imaginary ball with his head, he snaps his torso forward and accidentally pulls a muscle in his neck. Afraid that he might not be able to play, Bernstein summons his Wolverine-like healing powers, twisting his adamantium-laced cranium left, then right, then walking back onto the field.

Kickoff - Brown assumes a 3-5-2 formation, a departure from its usual 4-4-2 set-up.

1st minute - URI launches the ball deep into Brown territory and sends an entire fleet of players after it. Clad in URI blue, they colonize the southern end of Stevenson field for the next twenty minutes.

21st minute - A towering URI Englishman identifies himself as a prime heckling target by barking at the referee in completely indecipherable British jargon, then shouting similarly incomprehensible commands to his teammates. After several minutes of debate, two Brown players conclude that Brown freshman David Walls' accent is much better.

28th minute - Darren Howerton '09 performs his first of two-hundred-and-twenty-seven flip-throws, nearly tossing the ball into the net, but the keeper manages to push it over the crossbar.

35th minute - A beautifully taken Howerton free kick drops into the penalty area, somehow eluding numerous Brown and URI players. It skips to Bernstein at the back post, but the defender slightly misjudges the bounce and heads it over the crossbar. Maybe it was that pulled neck muscle.

HALFTIME - Coach Noonan tells the team to go back out and enjoy the day...play soccer, guys! Play for the pure enjoyment of it! You're better than you showed in the first half! However, due to some slightly confusing inflection, no one is quite sure when the speech is over. One guy claps, then two guys clap, then everyone begins clapping before they retake the field.

60th minute - Howerton draws a free kick in the right corner and hits an in-swinging left footer. It lands at the far post where Dylan Sheehan, falling away from goal, heads it toward the near post from just three yards out. The goalkeeper dives to save but can only push it into the net. Sheehan celebrates by sprinting toward one corner flag, changing directions, then sprinting toward the Brown bench and leaping onto Skyler Patrick '10 like a koala bear to a eucalyptus tree. 1-0 Brown.

64th minute - The referee, whose performance was described by sideliners as "embarrassing," "shocking," "a nightmare," and "a horror show," continues to make perplexing calls.

74th minute - Two URI players collide just outside the Brown penalty area, and the one with the ball goes down hard. The referee whistles for a free kick, and the URI player stays down, perhaps trying to draw a yellow card on his teammate. Inexplicably, the Rams are awarded a free kick and the entire Brown defense protests. A URI forward's curling effort sails over the crossbar, proving once again that the ball never lies.

90th minute - As announcer Chris Walls counts down the last few seconds (nine, eight, seven...) URI fires the ball toward the Brown penalty area. Bernstein leaps to head it away and receives a solid push in the back from a URI forward. His hands fly up and make contact with the ball, and the referee blows the whistle, stops the clock (which he apparently is not supposed to do), and awards a free kick 18.1 yards from the Brown goal. The Bears builds a seven-man wall as every single URI player, including the goalkeeper, invade the area. After about ten minutes of scuffling and jockeying for position, including the flooring of Darren Howerton, URI takes what surely must be the last shot of the game. A URI midfielder approaches and blasts a chest-high effort directly into the wall, where David Walls takes it firmly in the sternum. The rebound falls to a second URI player, whose shot goes well wide of goal. Brown celebrates and the fans applaud both teams for their tremendous effort. After some slight coaxing from their head coach, the URI players agree to shake hands.

Final Score: Brown 1, URI 0
Overall Recored: 4-0
Next Game: Tuesday, September 18th vs. St. Francis @ 7 pm

Starters: Leech, Bernstein, Britner, Sawyer, Walls, Roland, Elenz-Martin, Okafor, Howerton, Davies, Sheehan

Subs: Thompson, Lee, Behrendt, McGrath

After the game: Standing behind the Brown bench, Thomas Thunnel's eight-year-old cousin announces her presence at full volume...for the eighth time. Seeing as he has already said hi to her the first seven times, Thunnel pretends not to hear her, to which she turns and stammers, "I'm here, and he doesn't even CARE!"

Brown 2, Maine 1

So, you're dating this girl and everything seems to be going just fine. After the first date, she seems almost perfect, and the second date only reaffirms your excitement. But then, you go out with her a third time and suddenly, incredibly, she seems like a different person - uninspiring, maybe even a bit dull.

Such disenchantment must have been felt by fans who attended the first half of the Brown vs. Maine game on Thursday afternoon. Coming off very impressive performances against Santa Clara and Fordham, Brown came out for date #3 looking lethargic, almost lifeless. Maybe it was the midweek afternoon kickoff, or maybe it was the fact that Maine had only won one game in the last two years and therefore didn't seem to pose a challenge. Whatever the reason, the Brown coaching staff spent 45 minutes watching a group that seemed nothing like the group they had recently developed a crush on.

Fortunately, the team managed to pull it together in the second half. As a result, the coaching staff will probably NOT begin drinking too much, asking the team why they don't love them, and sobbing on the phone to friends. But we can't guarantee that.

Now, here is your post-game report:

1st minute - Brown gives the ball away at midfield.

10th minute - Brown gives the ball away in its own end.

17th minute - Brown gives the ball away on a square pass in its own box.

25th minute - A Maine punt bounces at midfield and is controlled by a Blackbear forward. He turns and releases what appears to be a harmless shot from 25 yards, but it somehow slips beneath the outstretched right arm of Paul Grandstrand '11. A clipboard flies, a bench is rattled, and the Brown coaching staff takes turns vomiting on the scorer's table. 1-0 Maine.

32nd minute - A Maine forward fires a free kick over the wall, and it clatters off the right post.

40th minute - Brown finally creates some scoring chances, but to no avail.

45th minute - Maine fails to clear the ball from its own box. It falls to Dylan Sheehan '09, who releases an arcing right footed shot from just inside the penalty area. The ball floats toward the back post, carving a perfect rainbow in the sky before beautifully bulging the net. Sheehan celebrates as if the strike had not been a mishit. 1-1 tie.

HALFTIME - With the emotional control of a practicing yogi and the color of a seasick sailor, Coach Noonan asks the players to please - PLEASE - not let this be the greatest day in Maine soccer history.

46th minute - Brown responds with much greater energy (including a very vocal bench) but the sloppy play continues.

50th minute - At last, the boys execute some good ball movement and get a handle on the game. The territorial domination begins.

64th minute - Acrobat extraordinaire Darren Howerton '09 performs his always-crowd-pleasing flip throw, this time with a low trajectory. The ball screams into the penalty area at head height, where it crashes into a mosh pit of soldiers. The head of Private Jonathon Okafor '11 rises above the rest and redirects the projectile into the net, and he celebrates with the giddy excitement of a six year-old who has blown his first bubble gum bubble. 2-1 Brown.

65th - 89th minutes - Brown keeps Maine pinned deep in its own end, but fails to score on several great opportunities, including one especially strong Kevin Davies '08 effort.

90th minute - The final whistle blows and the color returns to Coach Noonan's face. It wasn't pretty, but it was a result. As in love, I suppose you've gotta take the bad with the good.

Final Score: Brown 2, Maine 1
Overall Record: 3-0
Next game: Sunday, September 16th vs. URI


Starters - Grandstrand, Britner, Bernstein, Sawyer, Walls, Howerton, Okafor, Lee, Roland, Davies, Sheehan

Subs used - Thompson, McGrath, Behrendt, Eldgredge, Melitsanopolous




Just hours after scoring the game winner, Jon Okafor '11 begins studying Coach Noonan's dissertation/scouting report on URI

Brown 3, Fordham 1 - Brown Soccer Classic Champions!

Winning your own soccer tournament is sort of like winning pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey at your own birthday party. Sure, you deserve the victory, but you feel kind of bad for beating all your guests.

If the Brown Men's Soccer team felt any such guilt, they certainly didn't show it on Sunday afternoon. They beat Fordham 3-1, clinched the Brown Soccer Classic title, and then celebrated wildly. Dylan Sheehan '09, Kevin Davies '08 and Darren Howerton '09 scored for the Bears, while Jarrett Leech '09 earned the victory in goal. As you might expect, the awards also followed: Sheehan was named Offensive MVP, Rhett Bernstein '09 was named Defensive MVP, and Sheehan, Bernstein, Chris Roland '10 and David Walls '11 were named to the All-Tournament team.

And if those awards weren't enough, Sheehan was named Ivy League Player of the Week, Walls was named Ivy League Rookie of the Week, and Bernstein was named to Soccer America's National Team of the Week. All in all, it was a very successful weekend and a promising start to a promising new season.

And yes, I am aware that it is now Thursday, making this old news.

Nonetheless, here is your (belated) post-game report:

Saturday - Heading into the match, Coach Noonan worries that, after such a dramatic Friday night victory, Sunday's game might be a "hangover" match--a hot afternoon, a small crowd, and heavy legs leading to a sluggish performance.

1st minute - The boys show they have taken the soccer equivalent of two aspirin and a glass of water (and maybe some late night pizza), looking fresh from the opening whistle as they apply trademark Brown pressure all over the field.

26th minute - Steve "Chief" Sawyer '09 plays the ball wide to Darren Howerton '09, who plays a first time ball forward to Sheehan. The Fordham defender misjudges the bouncing ball, and Sheehan sneaks behind him toward goal. As the keeper advances, Sheehan releases a low shot that slows as it slips between his feet, then trickles across the goal line as a late defender slides to save it. Sheehan celebrates by running toward a section of the crowd and having a short conversation with a friend. 1-0 Brown.

32nd minute - A bouncing ball outside the box is met by Darren Howerton '09, who spends most of his free time practicing watching internet soccer highlights. Howerton's first-time volley from twenty-two yards out is itself worthy of a highlight video, as it sneaks through a crowd of defenders and finds its way into the lower right corner of the net. Howerton celebrates by running toward the same set of fans and apparently having the same conversation with the same guy. Is this where the boosters hand out cash prizes for goals? 2-0 Brown.

46th minute - Fordham pulls a goal back. A long throw-in is poorly cleared by the Brown backline, and a Ram player gets his head on the ball. Jarrett Leech saves the initial effort, but a second Fordham player hurls his body toward the rebound and heads it in. 2-1 Brown.

69th minute - Jon Okafor '11 makes what is fast becoming a trademark run down the right wing. Getting past two defenders, he lines up a shot but misfires across the face of goal, where Kevin Davies '08 is surprised to find an easy tap-in. 3-1 Brown.

70th - 90th minutes - Brown misses a plethora of chances, several in dramatic fashion. Fortunately, they don't concede any goals, so these missed opportunities never come back to haunt them. Not yet, anyway.

Final Score: Brown 3, Fordham 1
Overall Record: 2-0

Brown 2, Santa Clara 1

The Brown Men's Soccer team kicked off the 2007 season in style with a 2-1 victory over Santa Clara on Friday night at Stevenson Field. Heading into the match, Santa Clara was ranked #5 in the NSCAA Coaches Poll after going 13-5-5 and reaching the NCAA Quarterfinals last season. Though the Broncos were good, nearly everyone in attendance would agree that the result was fair, as Brown played well and earned more quality scoring chances. Strike partners Dylan Sheehan '09 and Kevin Davies '08 scored for the Bears, and freshman Paul Grandstrand '11 earned the victory in goal. The Bears continued the Brown Adidas Classic on Sunday afternoon with a 3-1 victory over Fordham, who was not ranked #5 in the nation.

Now, here is your post-game report:

Februrary, 2007 - Architects and Engineers discover that the Smith Swim Center is structurally deficient, citing rotting wooden beams. Brown closes the building down and begins construction on a temporary swim center in the back parking lot.

September 7th, 2007, 6:00 pm - The pre-game Adidas Classic BBQ, now a featured part of freshman orientation, is held in front of the OMAC due to the temporary pool (which I like to picture as an above ground pool). As per the BBQ tradition, the scent of broiled burgers and french fries mixes with freshman pheromones, creating that unmistakable back-to-school sports atmosphere.

Warm-Up: As the stands begin to fill, the boys warm up to an appalling medley of girly Pop/House/Hip-Hop. Assistant Coach Anders Kelto receives inquisitive looks as the players ask who submitted this wretched compilation. Kelto pleads ignorance as the players do high knees and heel kicks to the sounds of a technofied Cindy Lauper and the Black Eyed Peas doing "Ole Ole Ole." The CD's origins remain unknown.

Introductions: Six members of the Bruno United Boys U13 soccer team are given the honor of serving as ball kids and running onto the field with the Brown players. In Europe, junior players take the field holding hands with the players, but American boys are, for obvious reasons, much less comfortable with this arrangement. The result becomes a hilarious series of "Do I hold or not hold?" decisions, with some boys going "European," some offering just a wrist, and some proving their manhood by breaking free of all physical man-to-man contact. Kids.

1st minute - Amidst perfect conditions, Santa Clara takes the kickoff and hits a long diagonal ball deep into Brown territory, an act that would be repeated many times throughout the game. As Coach Noonan points out, they play Northern Cali soccer, not Southern Cali soccer.

10th minute - Brown remains trapped in its own end, unable to keep possession for any period of time. Perhaps it is first game jitters?

15th minute - Birthday Boy Steve Sawyer '09 defends Santa Clara's speedy right winger superbly, forcing him to the end line with patience and good footwork. As he goes to tackle the ball, however, it takes an unfortunate bounce and squirts toward the Brown goal. The Bronco winger slips by Sawyer and whips in a perfect cross, where a gargantuan center forward heads it in. 1-0 Santa Clara.

27th minute - Brown gets a grip on the game and begins forcing Santa Clara back into its own end. A flip-throw by Darren Howerton '09 is flicked on by Nick Elenz-Martin '10 before Dylan Sheehan misses what appeared to be an easy header at the far post.

32nd minute - Alumnus Ben Brackett '07, no longer on the field, nonetheless makes his mark on the game. He shouts so many instructions and cheers so passionately that he is actually written up by a Brown police and security officer, who insists that he is a student. To prove to the disbelieving officer that he is not, in fact, a Brown student, he flashes his Brown Alumni ID card as his friends snicker in rapt amusement.

38th minute - Some fine combination play between Davies, Sheehan, and freshman Jon Okafor '11 ends with the incredibly speedy freshman breaking free down the right wing. He cuts the ball back to the middle where, after a slight redirection, it falls to Sheehan. The Canadian's point blank effort is saved by the goalie's feet and the ball pops beyond the penalty area to freshman David Walls '11, who sees his looping left footed volley parried away by the repositioned keeper.

42nd minute - A corner kick scramble eventually falls to striker T.J. Thompson '10 at the far post. The ball seems to float above ground, just two yards from the net like a fat, confused hummingbird begging to be kicked into its nest. Forgetting that most basic of soccer techniques - keep your knee over the ball! - Thompson blasts the pudgy budgie over the crossbar as the crowd and the Brown bench groan in disbelief.

HALFTIME - Having shown that they can hold their own against one of the nation's best teams, Brown makes no tactical changes. Be patient, boys, and put away your chances!

49th minute - A Brown attack is repelled and the ball falls to right defender David Walls. The Englishman fakes a cross and pushes the ball toward the end line before serving up a silver platter of toast and baked beans to striker Dylan Sheehan who, though her prefers beef jerky and maple syrup, easily heads home from six yards. The until-now-subdued crowd erupts as the Brown players sprint toward the corner flag in jubilation.

54th minute - Freshman goalkeeper Paul Grandstrand '11, who doubled as a field player on his club team, hits one of his usual knuckling missiles up the center of the field. Sheehan flicks it to a scampering Davies, who times his run perfectly. Although Santa Clara's central defender is well positioned, Davies' remarkable quickness allows him to get a toe to the ball first, falling to his left as the defender delivers a Darius Kasparitis-like hip check. The ball lofts up and over the goalie's shoulder and rolls into the net. Davies jumps up from the ground and, looking every bit like a bowler on crack, lowers his body and enthusiastically hurls a single fist toward the sky.

80th minute - Santa Clara throws everything forward and applies sustained pressure for ten minutes (translated into ten Noonan years). The back line of Walls, Sawyer, Matt Britner '07.5 and Rhett Bernstein '09 hold strong and block several shots, and Grandstrand intelligently punches away several crosses.

90th minute - With 30 seconds to go, Jon Okafor powers by two Santa Clara players and plays the ball beyond midfield to Nick Elenz-Martin. Recognizing a 3-on-1, Elenz-Martin considers his options: 1) Dribble to the corner flag and kill the game, or, 2) Score. The sophomore initially chooses correctly (#1) and heads for the corner flag. But then, allured by the sweet siren call of a game clincher in front of a capacity crowd (#2), he changes course and sails his black-haired ship toward goal. Then, using a thought process that he would later attempt to explain, he blasts the ball over the crossbar as Coach Noonan breaks into a full body spasm. Santa Clara fires the ensuing goal kick deep into Brown territory, where they earn (but eventually miss) one final, heart-stopping scoring chance.

Said Elenz-Martin after the game, "I figured that if I was going to miss, I'd miss over the goal so that time would run out." Next time, we'll make sure one of the ball boys accompanies Nick onto the field.

Final Score: Brown 2, Santa Clara
Next Match: Sunday, September 9th vs. Fordham, 2:30 pm

Brown vs. Santa Clara
Starters - Grandstrand, Walls, Britner, Bernstein, Sawyer, Howerton, Elenz-Martin, Roland, Okafor, Sheehan, Davies

Subs - Eldredge, Thompson, Lee, Manuel

Skits!

At the end of every preseason, the team gets together for a Brown Soccer tradition: skits. The freshmen go first, then the sophomores, juniors, seniors and coaching staff, all taking turns doing impressions of one another. As you might imagine, fifteen straight days together results in an endless amount of material, and some truly classic moments arise. All in all, skits are a great way for the team to get together, eat pizza, and laugh at each other and themselves, but mostly at each other.

While the skits are almost never made public, we have decided to give you, our loyal blog readers, an inside peek. Because I mean really, how can I deny you the chance to watch players do impressions of Noonan, Ryan and Murph??


Here is brave freshman Sean McGrath '11 doing a spot-on impression of Assistant Coach Ken Murphy:




And here is the senior class doing Noonan, Murph, Ryan and Nic Rossi:



Credits:
Matt Britner '07.5 as Mike Noonan (MN)
Laurent Manuel '08 as Ken Murphy (KM)
John Behrendt '08 as Ryan Levesque (RL)
Kevin Davies '08 as Nic Rossi

Preseason, Day 10: THE END (of the beginning)

Day 10 got off to a great start as several Brown Soccer Alumni, in town for a wedding, watched the morning session and had a kick-around with their wedding party. Greg Lalas '94, Mike Barrish '96 and Chris Foxx '96 were all in attendance and, while we won't comment on the quality of play, we will point out that there is often a direct correlation between one's suntan and the amount of time one spends in the sun practicing soccer. Only kidding, boys. You've still got it!


From left to right: Greg Lalas '94, Coach Noonan, Chris Foxx '96, Mike Barrish '96, Swedish International Christian Wilhelmsson

Day 10 concluded with a fast-paced, high-intensity 11 v 11 game, dubbed the Brown vs. White scrimmage. Brown (wearing yellow) defeated White (wearing blue) by a score of 3-2.

Brown: Grandstand, Walls, Bernstein, Britner, McGrath, Manuel, Thunnel, Kelto, D'Avanzo, Melitsanopolous, Levesque

White: Schlenker, Hay, Jabola-Carolus, Behrendt, Patrick, Howerton, Lee, Elenz-Martin, Okafor, Sheehan, Thompson

Scoring: Melitsanopolous (13'), Manuel (PK - 27'), Sheehan (36'), Levesque (52'), Howerton (PK - 59')

At the end of the game, Coach Noonan again thanked the players for an outstanding effort and noted that this was probably the toughest preseason any of his Brown teams have endured. And such a great effort can only mean that the road to a great season has been paved.

So, to wrap up this year's preseason coverage, here is a photo of Nick Elenz-Martin that I think sums it up:

Preseason, Day 8: A Day At The Beach

You've gotta give 'em credit for trying. But, as Jedi Master Yoda once said, "Do or do not. There is no try."

The coaching staff TRIED to give the boys a fun morning on Day 8 by taking them to the beach. But, as it turned out, the beach was more like a sandy stretch of marshland on the western side of Narragansett Bay, separated from civilization by two miles of swampland; swampland that the Brown boys would soon find themselves wading through. Among the items spotted floating by Kevin Davies '08 and Laurent Manuel '08 were empty beer cans, stray socks, and in inexplicably large volume of unused toilet paper. Perhaps most amazingly, Assistant Coach Nic Rossi somehow knew this place existed. It really is amazing what kids will discover when they need a place to drink in high school.

All joking aside, the boys did make it to the beach and enjoyed a nice swim. Assistant Coach Ryan Levesque, meanwhile, did NOT enjoy one of the choicer sunburns this fair-skinned narrator has seen in a while. (Will health insurance pay for two bathtubs of aloe?) And the trip did give the boys a chance to recover, in the way a day of Category Two climbs lets Tour de France riders recover.

In the afternoon, it was back to business with an 11 v 11 scrimmage on the very hard, non-swampy practice field.




Some locals watch the Brown team's morning session.